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September 06 Holy Hanna of MontanaThere’s been a nip in the air recently around our Ozark Mountains. Actually, we just had the tenth coolest month of August in recorded history. I keep telling everyone in Blogaritaville to beware of Global Snowing. Don’t go thinking I’m goofy! Remember Madonna, at the Live Earth concert a few years ago said, “If you wanna’ save the planet, let me see you jump!” Yeah right that will fix things... Holy Hanna of Montana Our return to crisp days and brisk nights means two things: For many of us football season and in our neck of the woods, thankfully, some of our women start putting their bra’s back on that are the size of Montana. I’m telling you, walk into a Wal-Mart store, on a hot muggy day, and one would think the whole store is the dairy department. Of coarse, lets not just pick on the gals. What about those over-forty year old bear impersonators, wearing white tank tops, and still sporting their old red high school physical education gym shorts. Put them on a unicycle and one would think the circus is back in town. I don’t know about you, but I’m all for some sort of hair removal. And that goes for both genders too! Scissors, razors, Nair, Epilady, wax-on-wax-off, weed eaters, weed-b-gone… I don’t care. Just please use them. Breast Years of Our Lives The other day, I couldn’t tell if it was a man or a lady sporting a better mustache than mine. Were those woman boobs or moobs (man-boobs)? All I know, is that they looked hairy enough to be a couple of coconuts in the produce department. You sure can spot a person from Arkansas when they come to Branson. Let’s be real, some body hair needs to be dealt with because it's unsightly, certainly a nuisance, and some places should remain smooth don‘t ya know. Remember that Blue Oyster Cult song, “Don’t Fear the Reaper.” Well, with our aging there should be a song, “Don’t Fear the Waxer.” Come On Baby (Don’t Fear the Waxer) Baby Take My Hand (Don’t Fear the Waxer) We’ll Both Give It a Try (Don’t Fear the Waxer) Melody: Don't Fear The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult I know…I know, us guys have it easy when it comes to grooming. Some of you girls have to brace yourself, inhale, and RRRRIIIIPPPP!!!! OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!! I would be willing to bet that one of those feminine bikini line trimmer’s works better on trimming the hair on and in a mans ear than…Errr!!! What it’s actually intended to be used for. Earfro’s Not exactly the topic I thought I would be writing about today when I sat down at my desk. But while I’m on the subject of body hair I’m still trying to figure out why as I age there’s less hair on my noggin’ and it starts growing in other places? Like on top of my ears? What’s up with that? Definitely another thing that has strayed away from God’s plan for man. Some guys definitely need a mow-down show-down with their “earfro’s” and start juicing some more testosterone. Sound Check! Testing…One, Two, Three Every other day or so I have to do an ear check in my make-up mirror. You can all be quiet right there about my make-up mirror. It has really nice lighting and has excellent magnification so I don‘t have to put on my reading glasses. So there! Every once in awhile I spot a few of those stealthy, radio antenna looking, strands of hair trying to sneak out some growth off the top of my ears. Most day’s nothing is spotted. Then all of a sudden, like over night, one morning, there's like this little antenna pointing directly towards the heavens. Just the other day I was at our neighboring State Park on Table Rock Lake shuffling along and suddenly I start hearing John Rooney and Mike Shannon chat off the St. Louis Cardinals baseball game. I couldn’t believe my ears. “Here’s the pitch, and the swing…He Struck Him Out!” However, the reception was of poor quality with a lot of static noise. It was kind of freaky and I started walking in circles, doing 360’s, looking about franticly, like a crazed man, until I finally grabbed my ears. Ah-ha! The culprit. A sneaky hair strand on top of my right ear. Pluck! The game immediately stopped. But interestingly enough, I still have static going on inside of my head to this day? Quick Question Maybe someone has the answer. How come gorillas are so hairy but have no hair on their butt? Gorilla Sized Men Football season is back. Gym sized Gorilla men, putting on some equipment, and doing a type of guerilla warfare by running into each other from opposite directions. Sure some of these apes couldn’t spell dog if you spotted them a “D” and “G”. Which is kind of hard to understand seeing that many of them were 5th and 6th year seniors coming out of college. Football, can even reveal some character traits - team character traits too. Especially in the fox hole of a goal line stand. I’ve found some of my best friends in the fox holes of life. Now that I think about it, the late great coach Woody Hayes said it correctly, "There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.” Six-Pack Abs One Pack Mind We should have some respect for male professional athletes because even though some have six pack abs with a one pack mind, they still practice a lot while having smoking’ hot wives. That’s one of the reasons I have a high regard for Tiger Woods. His golf game, work ethic…Practice, practice, and more practice is what makes him such a great golfer and prosperous. Now that’s dedication while having a Swedish model for a wife at home. I wonder if our country could borrow 300 million from him for financial aid? Sounds better to me than borrowing from the Chinese. Tigers Win Opener 34-14
Greg Jr. H.S. Sophmore 6'5" 260 lbs. My son’s football season with his 2009 Tiger teammates started off with another victory. Thus making effort towards another unbeaten season one game at a time. I’ll have to admit I was pretty proud when he took the field for this season’s opener as one of the team captains for the coin toss. But I was even more satisfied as a parent after the game. We were eating at our local McDonald’s, JR picks up one of his angus bacon cheeseburgers, walks over and takes turns setting at various tables giving his teammates congratulations, and even more importantly, encouragement. He even took the time to visit with parents of his teammates which always concluded with a very nice to meet you Sir and also very nice to meet you Ma’am. As we drove home, JR shared with me about a teammate who doesn’t have a lot of athletic ability, size, or speed. But he shows up, everyday, and practices as hard as he can. On one particular day he was brought to tears in practice and other players began to tease him. JR immediately jumped in, told these older players to leave him alone, and shut their pie-holes, “He has more heart and desire than any of us.” I look at pictures of him now and he looks like a bigger version of me in high school. I would also fight for the underdogs and take on those bullies too. Remember David, he was a 70 point underdog against Goliath. My son has a heart like David and the size of Goliath. Looks like it may rain again today. But that’s OK because when the sky turns black God’s earthly creation always has a way to return back to bright blue skies. Kind of like my son’s football team who say’s “Believe in Blue.” It is God’s chosen color you know. It is where the earth and the sky meet in His glory. Have a Superb September…Greg Postscript - My Farvre-ite Story Last year at this time I was talking about Brett the Jet. This year, I know some of you think, “Oh, Brettster…Why? Why? Why? You disloyal cheese turd!” Sure, there is also this joke out there that say’s Brett won’t ever reach the Hall of Fame because he won’t ever retire. I’ll even admit that at this time in his playing career he is a high risk. But as for today, the winning reward is greater for the Vikes’ with Brett donning the purple. Favre shouldn’t solely have to win games for the Vikes on his own merits like he was counted on to do for the New York Jets. He is now back within the system (West Coast offense) he played with for 16 seasons at Green Bay. Not to mention he has one of the NFL’s best running backs in Adrian Peterson, Bernard Berrian has big play receiving ability, and Visanthe Shiancoe could be an emerging pro-bowl tight-end. More importantly, Brett’s ten-year old daughter said, “I want you to go win another Super Bowl dad!” Thank you Cindy from Wisconsin for the purple and gold pin cushion. I know how much it pricked and pained you.
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